"The staff were an absolute delight — if your definition of delightful includes being ignored, dismissed, and spoken to like an inconvenience. The hallways were a sensory journey, each one offering its own signature aroma that we simply could not identify and, frankly, did not want to. The back entrance featured a door that was refreshingly commitment-free — no locks, no security, no worries. And the parking lot? Practically a community hub, where generous strangers approached us with urgent fundraising opportunities for causes that were, let’s say, pharmaceutical in nature. But wait, there’s more — The bathtub was a thoughtful tribute to previous guests, complete with a curated hair collection that suggested it had not made acquaintance with cleaning products since the Obama administration, and the air vents — generously packed with dust, dirt, and what we can only describe as mouse leavings — ensured that every breath we took was a rich, full-bodied experience. The general cleanliness achieved a standard typically reserved for the inside of a toddler’s diaper — impressive, really, when you consider that someone was presumably being paid to prevent exactly this. We would recommend this establishment only to those who have always dreamed of experiencing what it feels like to pay for the privilege of lowering their immune system."
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